In honor of the death of comedian George Carlin yesterday, here is a bit of his comedy routine on the absurdity of airline travel and airplane announcements. Not safe for work… it is George Carlin after all.
These are desperate days for the airline industry so we can probably understand that when readers of two Philadelphia newspapers read last week that a new airline would charge by the pound many people believed the story. After all how much stranger is that idea that than charging for customer service, meals, pillows, and all checked baggage. But, although this might be the next move for the airline industry the airline being advertised was fake as were the ads. According to Yahoo:
PHILADELPHIA - Derrie-Air has been exposed. Readers of The Philadelphia Inquirer and Philadelphia Daily News opened their papers Friday to see ads for a new airline called Derrie-Air, which purportedly charges passengers by the pound.
But the new carrier will never get off the ground. It’s a one-day advertising campaign about a fake airline by Philadelphia Media Holdings, the papers’ owner, and Gyro ad agency.
In light blue banners throughout the papers — as well as on their Web site, Philly.com — Derrie-Air cheerily trumpets its policy: The more you weigh, the more you pay. The ads direct readers to the Web site http://www.flyderrie-air.com.
Visitors to the airline site learn that Derrie-Air is the world’s only carbon-neutral luxury airline, and it justifies its fare policy by saying that it takes more fuel to move heavier objects. The carrier pledges to plant trees to offset every pound of carbon its planes release into the atmosphere.
I have not yet read Dear American Airlines by Jonathan Mills but I like the idea of this novel which is written in the form of a complain letter to American Airlines. I can imagine that with the kind of year that American Airlines has been having that their executives are less thrilled with the idea.
Author Elizabeth Gilber says of the book:
The novel relays the tale of Bennie Ford, a man who is marinating like a cocktail olive in the sour middle-aged juices of his own mistakes, but who has decided to redeem himself completely by attending the wedding of his estranged daughter. Now, as some of us have learned from painful personal experience, it’s not always easy to redeem a lifetime of screw-ups in one weekend, but that doesn’t deter Bennie from heading to the airport to fly off to what he has decided is the most important event in his life. (The fact that he doesn’t seem to notice that the wedding should actually be the most important event in his DAUGHTER’S life, not his, is an early clue of his particular breed of hilarious narcissism.) But at the airport is where his troubles begin, as American Airlines cancels his flight and thus–as far as he is concerned–destroys his life. What follows is a complaint letter raised to the level of high narrative art. I have never before encountered a novel written in the form of a complaint letter, and we can safely assume there will never be another such after this one, just because Miles has created an inimitable story here–one which, despite all the dark wit of its narrator–leaves room in the sad margins for real heartbreak, real feeling, real life. (This is something Amis himself wasn’t able to do until many years into his career.) This is the most entertaining first novel I’ve read in a long while, as well as a searing cautionary tale. Bring it to the airport with you next time you fly somewhere to change your life…
You have probably already heard the news that a number of airlines have started charging to check a second bag, but late last month American Airlines decided that it really wasn’t so thrilled with people bringing luggage at all so it started charging $15 for the first bag and $25 for the second bag ($100 for the 3rd bag). That charge is each way. So if you check any bag and do a round trip expect to pay an additional $30 above what is the price of the ticket.
You can avoid this fee if you travel in first or business class. It also will not apply to Elite AAdvantage members who are American’s frequent flyers. It also will not apply if you have the unfortunate experience of paying for a full fare ticket.
Clearly rising fuel costs are behind American’s need to raise fees somewhere, but we will see if passengers like being surprised with an extra fee for what used to be free. I expect that American has actually gone a step too far with this move and would not be surprised to see that this hurts their business when word gets around.
Don’t do the math. I just woke up in my hotel room in London when the alarm went off at 8:00 AM after flying in last night. My watch says it is 8:00 AM and my body needs to get used to the idea. Whatever I do, don’t do the math and figure out that it is… ugh… midnight in California. If you have traveled internationally then you have had to deal with those days where you head is in one time zone and your body is in another. Here are some tips for combating jet lag.
Decaffeinate - Especially if you are flying somewhere like Europe on a night flight, I recommend not trying to have your last Starbucks in the airport and then trying to sleep on the plane. Friday we took a night flight from San Francisco to JFK and then on to London. Knowing that I would want to sleep on the plane I had my last caffeine (Diet Coke being my delivery mechanism of choice) in the morning so that I would be tired by the time of my 10 PM flight. It does help if you like me are often one Dient Coke away from unconsciousness.
Set You Watch - As soon as you get on a plane set your watch to the time in your destination. Your goal is now to adjust your body until it matches your watch.
Eye Shade - You will often need to sleep to adjust your schedule and it might be daylight outside. If it is daylight then you will want to have an eye shade to make it easier to sleep. You can wrap a towel around your head as one Australian did on our flight to London… but then you look particularly silly.
Noise Canceling Headphones - I have bought myself two sets of noise canceling headphones to drown out the background noise of the airplane. I most recently bought a pair from Sony. Bose has a particularly well regarded pairs as well. My head phones work so well that other immediate family members have stolen them from me.
Ear Plugs - A less expensive option than noise canceling headphones is cheap foam ear plugs (which people are much less likely to take from you in my experience). I carry a bag of them as I lose on average one per flight.
Drugs - Many people recommend chemical solutions from a glass of wine to prescription drugs to induce drowsiness. I have had mixed success with this kind of approach. Two Summers ago I went to Tanzania which involved two night flights in a row. I had thrown out my back just before and brought Flexidril which is a muscle relaxant to knock me out. I combined that with a glass of red wine (which I later learned was against the instructions on the label) which turns out to be a bad idea. I woke up on the flight nauseated and faint because I think my blood pressure had been dangerously lowered. Since then I generally avoid more than a glass of wine.
Nap - When you arrive at your destination take a nap if necessary but if you do, decide of how much sleep you will allow yourself and set an alarm.
Shower- A refreshing shower can sometimes keep me awake for another hour or so and feels good after a long plane flight.
Stay Up - If at all possible try and stay up to your normal bed time. You will adjust quicker if you can.
Relax - You might not make it up to your normal bed time or you might not be able to get to sleep at that time. Cut yourself some slack. You may just need to decide that in this time zone your bed time is 2 hours sooner or 2 hours later. For some reason, in Africa I could not sleep past 5 AM. That just gave me more time to work on my blog.
If you have every had the experience, as I had, of arguing with a ticket agent in JFK for 15 minutes that he is about to send you bags to SJO (San Jose, Costa Rica) and not SJC (San Jose, California) then you understand the benefits of knowing the 3 letter abbreviation for the airports you are traveling from/to. But how do airports get their designations and why do some of them seem to make no sense at all?
From ABE (Allentown/Bethlehem/Easton, Pennsylvania) to ZRH (Zurich, Switzerland), airports around the world are universally known by a unique three-letter code: the “International Air Transport Association (IATA) Location Identifier” in aviation-speak. It’s obviously much easier for pilots, controllers, travel agents, frequent flyers, computers and baggage handlers to say and write ORD than the O’Hare International Airport in Chicago, Illinois—but how did this practice start, and why are some airport codes easy to understand (ABE and ZRH) while others seem to make absolutely no sense (ORD)? Well once upon a time, before the editor and publisher of the Chicago Tribune, Colonel Robert McCormick suggested a name change as tribute to pilot Lt. Cmdr. Edward “Butch” O’Hare, United States Navy, there was an airstrip well to the northwest of Chicago with a quaint, peaceful name—Orchard Field.
As someone who is 6 foot 3 inches tall but too cheap to buy a first or business class airline ticket i was very interested to read an article on GeekAbout.com for The 10 Most Comfortable Airline Economy Seats
Their winner was Virgin America which is consistent with other reports I have heard. My only quibble is that they list United Airlines, but be aware that they are talking about the more expensive economy plus ticket. One of the worst experiences I have had with an airline seat with no leg room was in an economy seat on United from Hawaii to California.
Oldsmar, Florida— Barbara Blewitt loves to travel and purchased a set of high quality Land’s End luggage last year. But on a recent trip to Atlantic City aboard Spirit Airlines she couldn’t believe what she saw when she arrived at baggage claim.
“I looked and there on the floor was my luggage,” says Blewitt who discovered her bag had been mysteriously burned
“I said what does that mean, what happened here? My clothes are burned!”
In fact, the luggage was so badly burned, almost everything inside, worth an estimated $350, was ruined too.
“I had no clothes, no underwear, no cosmetics, nothing but a burned suitcase,” Blewitt said.
In these days of $4 a gallon gasoline and sky high jet fuel costs airlines are always looking for ways to save on fuel. According to USA Today, some of the methods are familiar ones to many drivers.
Drivers have long known that slowing down on the highway means getting more miles to the gallon. Now airlines are trying it, too — adding a few minutes to flights to save millions on fuel.
Southwest Airlines started flying slower about two months ago, and projects it will save $42 million in fuel this year by extending each flight by one to three minutes.
On one Northwest Airlines flight from Paris to Minneapolis earlier this week alone, flying slower saved 162 gallons of fuel, saving the airline $535. It added eight minutes to the flight, extending it to eight hours, 58 minutes.
That meant flying at an average speed of 532 mph, down from the usual 542 mph.
Briton Chris Miller was told a flight carrying his partner and children had landed in India because another passenger had fallen ill, the BBC reported.
He also learnt his children had been taken for treatment for chicken pox.
But when the other passenger, a 22-year-old male backpacker, died, staff from the Emirates airline contacted Mr Miller by mistake.
Mr Miller said on the BBC that a staff member had passed on details for “the undertakers dealing with the body”.
The British father said he was stunned and a wave of grief and disbelief swept over him.
If you have every had the experience, as I had, of arguing with a ticket agent in JFK for 15 minutes that he is about to send you bags to SJO (San Jose, Costa Rica) and not SJC (San Jose, California) then you understand the benefits of knowing the 3 letter abbreviation for the airports you are traveling from/to. But how do airports get their designations and why do some of them seem to make no sense at all?
